Tweenage Wasteland


This article was written on 11 Jan 2009, and is filled under open letter, stupid pictures of zac efron, vanessa hudgens.

Open Letter, II

Dear Zac Efron,

This is not exactly a hard news blog, but a few weeks ago, we reported on your sex-store exploits, and I made only a passing joke about how you were wearing the tooliest of tool hats.

Then my good friend Margot sent me this:

And aside from being hilarious, there’s the damn hat again. And then I was looking through my folder of things to blog about (“stupid pictures of Zac Efron” subfolder) and found this:

And realized you are HOLDING a tool-y wool cap. Playing a hunch, I googled you and found:

…Look. We need to talk. Now, I already know that you don’t like to shower, but Zef? Wearing a hat will not cover up that fact. It just makes you look like an unwashed tool wearing a hat. And that’s a shame, because, as the blogger here at Tweenage who actually likes you, I think you have the potential to be adorable!

Instead of looking like this:

Here’s what you need to do. Take off the hat. And go shower. And if you won’t do it for me, do it for Vanessa, please? Because while I’m sure she told you that your collection of wool caps is totally cute, like, a year and a half ago, I am EQUALLY sure that she was lying because she assumed it was just a phase. Not that you would insist on wearing it every day instead of showering, like, ever. You know that really strained tone of voice she’s been talking to you in every time the subject has come up? That’s because she, like the rest of us, would like to burn the horrific things you put on your head.

So for her sake, for ours, and for your own, please — PLEASE — for the love of all that is holy, STOP with the wool caps. And then go buy some shampoo. Maybe even let Vanessa pick out a brand she likes for you!


(PS: Sunglasses do not hide the fact that you are totally baked. Please pass that one on to Vanessa as well.)

Photo sources: here, here, here, here, here, here, and here, respectively.

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  1. vashti-lives
    January 11, 2009

    Oh dear, those hats truly are terrible.

    Also, did you hear about the MoFoJoBros playing at President Obama’s inauguration? I had this conversation about it with my mother:

    Me: The MoFoJoBros! Really? I suppose his daughters are behind that.
    Mom: Oh probably. Still- least detestable Jones. *she laughs* And most detestable Jones.
    Me: Also– extra Jones.
    Mom *still laughing*: President Obama would probably find that funny, secretly anyway.
    Me: Who wouldn’t?

    Yeah, your pictorial explanation of the Jones Brothers has lead to some pretty awesome conversations when we’re in line at the supermarket. Just thought you should know. 🙂

  2. Jessica
    January 11, 2009


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