Supergirl Saturday: Action Comics #311, “The Day Super-Horse Became Human!”
|February 28, 2015||Posted by Jess under Comics, Supergirl Saturday|
Ugh. Okay. So how did this grossness come about? (And to be clear, I don’t think it’s gross because he’s sometimes a horse. I think it’s gross because he’s an adult who is lying to a teenage girl in order to emotionally manipulate her.)
Everyone loves Linda/Supergirl! (And no, don’t worry, we’ve never seen “Sandy Powers” before. I keep you apprised of all super-boyfriends!) Like I mentioned last week, it’s a big change from Sad Orphan Kara Who Embarrasses Herself In Front of Jerro. And speaking of Jerro…
How many panels have we seen of Supergirl kissing Jerro while Comet looms creepily in the background? Like a billion, right?
“A girl like that?” So, not Linda, just a mate of her caliber and specific parameters? Be honest, Comet, did you write this letter?
Anyway, Comet remembers that there is, in fact, someone who can help him make that trade, and travels back in time to see Circe:
Circe tells Comet she’ll keep an eye on him, just in case he changes his mind, and he takes the potion:
Speaking of things that happen to Comet all the damn time, how many times has this stupid horse gotten amnesia by now? Like, it’s at least four, right? Gosh, I hope no criminals take advantage of this situation!
Luckily(?) literally everything Comet proceeds to do is covered in these extremely involved devil horse legends, so the Hooded Demon quickly tames the very friendly Comet and adopts him as his new steed:
But – and not at all because this story is even more contrived than most Silver Age comics – Circe’s inexplicably slow-acting potion moves onto its next stage, and Comet starts to lose his superpowers, meaning he takes a bullet in the shoulder, as does the Hooded Demon:
That is too much Comet pelvis, artist.
Comet finds someone to patch him up, but there’s a posse on the Hooded Demon’s trail:
Off Comet goes to find a change of clothes…and runs into someone very familiar:
How cute is her little western outfit, though? All the cute.
A grateful Linda introduces herself properly to “Bill.” For, um, certain definitions of “properly”:
Is this normal??? Just straight-up making out with total strangers??? What is even happening??? (Haha, Dick’s pissy face in the third panel.)
All these thought bubbles make me want to vomit. SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU. YES, EVEN YOU, LINDA. (I still love you but COME ON.)
lololol captain whitebread over there is “ruggedly handsome”
Anyway, the two lovebirds (ugggh) spend as much time as possible together and it’s super “romantic” or whatever:
Linda, you’re sixteen! You don’t need to find the man you’re going to marry right now!
Also, I love how literally no one thinks it’s strange that this adult man they don’t know is just dating a teenage girl on a field trip and separated from her parents (not that the Danverses have ever been any use in protecting Linda from sexual predators). Like, no chaperones on this trip are going to stop this? Okay.
The posse looking for the Hooded Demon describes him to Linda’s group, and Linda’s dismayed to realize that his description matches Bronco Bill’s. But as we well know, just because she loves someone doesn’t mean she won’t ensure that he faces justice:
And so, of course, Comet winds up begging Circe for help, just as she predicted he would:
Did she just…pour that potion on her crystal ball? Sure, whatever.
I feel like I should have a sweeping conclusion with which to wrap up this story, but mostly I’m just glad it’s over. Comet, you’re an asshole.