The Extremely Ill-Advised Arrow Project: Episode 3.07 – “Draw Back Your Bow”
|December 26, 2014||Posted by Jess under Comics, Television, The Extremely Ill-Advised Arrow Project|
Six months ago. The mirakuru soldiers are tearing up the city. Team Arrow is zooming through the streets in a van when they stop so that Ollie can rescue a redheaded woman being choked by a soldier. He knocks him out/maybe kills him (?) with an explosive arrow and Team Arrow takes off. The woman stares in wonder at a regular arrow Ollie also shot.
Present day. Quentin and Ollie have found Stansler’s body, dressed in a replica Arrow costume. The only lead they have is the murder weapon, an arrow with a red, heart-shaped head that both Quentin and later Diggle declare is “shaped like a spade.” You guys are all morons.
Flashback. Tatsu tells Ollie to do his own laundry and he at least has the grace to look embarrassed as he admits he doesn’t know how. It’s pretty funny. Maseo tells them he’s got a lead and is heading to the docks, but that a gaijin like Ollie – a word Ollie doesn’t know – would stick out like a sore thumb.
Present day, QC/Palmer Technologies. Felicity walks into Ray’s office to find him salmon laddering shirtless, because this is Arrow. “Oh God, I have a type,” she mutters. Ray hops down and invites her to dinner with a business contact under the guise of saving him from boredom; when she tries to demur, he shows her the dress he bought for her, and she freaks out because it’s super fancy. OKAY BUT YOU ARE BOTH BEING CRAZY INAPPROPRIATE HERE, ESPECIALLY RAY, STOP IT.
Arrowcave. Ollie and Diggle discuss the arrow and Ollie says he wants Felicity to do some research on it, but Diggle spots her on the news, at a press conference Ray’s giving. Ollie storms back to the arrow, smashes the head open with a hammer, and finds a tiny slip of paper with an address on it inside. What???
They head to the address and find an empty apartment, the walls plastered with newspaper clippings about the Arrow, the floor covered with red candles and rose petals. Ollie slowly realizes that the arrowhead’s not a spade, it’s a heart – and a cell phone rings.
He answers. It’s the redheaded woman, of course, who breathily tells him that she wants to help him, to kill for him, and oh, she’s got another hostage all ready to be the second death.
Arrowcave. Roy’s sitting around looking sad. Ollie tells him to stop feeling bad about killing that guy, it wasn’t his fault, yadda yadda. Felicity enters, Roy leaves, and Felicity tells Ollie she’s IDed the hostage – he’s a big-time mob guy. She’s got several hacky leads to chase down and Ollie passive aggressives that he needs 100% of her focus. She says he can have it, except that evening because she’s got dinner plans with Ray: “Is that okay?” Well, Ollie doesn’t pay you and refuses to date you, Smoakstack, so I say do your thing.
Flashback. Tatsu’s worried because Maseo said he’d be gone an hour…nine hours ago. Ollie volunteers to go look for him, and Tatsu says she’ll do it. Ollie: “Um, no offense, but you’re just Maseo’s wife.” Laurel, you should be SO grateful you didn’t marry this douchecanoe. “And you’re just a billionaire who doesn’t know how to use a laundry machine,” Tatsu retorts. WHEN DOES THIS BECOME THE KATANA SHOW???
Present day. Thea’s auditioning terrible DJs when an unwashed-looking douche (whose name, we’ll learn next episode, is Chase) announces that the auditions are over. She tells him he can wait in line with the rest, he refuses, she tells him to scoot. He smarms “Later, princess” at her and leaves. Look, normally I am 100% on board with cocky douchebag romantic interests but this one didn’t work AT ALL.
Arrowcave. Felicity IDs Cupid as “Carrie Cutter,” former SCPD. Ollie says she seems familiar and Felicity gets inexplicably jealous, because this episode is going to win Misogyny Bingo, dammit! Cutter’s clearly been stalking the Arrow, and also there’s a bag of fertilizer next to her hostage in the picture she sent Ollie so clearly she’s keeping him in a greenhouse??? This makes no sense. Whatever. Anyway, the nearest greenhouse is Sherwood Florist, which makes me smile. #memories
Sherwood Florist (<3). Ollie and Roy break in, split up, and Roy immediately gets knocked out by Cutter. LOLZ. She somehow cuts in on Ollie’s headset and coos that they’re meant to be, blah blah, he tells her she’s not well, this episode is GAAAAAARBAGE. Ollie finds her. The hostage has a noose around his neck, a bomb on his chest, and is standing on a rolling desk chair, with Cutter ready to push it away. Roy’s unconscious on the floor. Can I just cut and paste “Roy’s unconscious on the floor” for all episodes from here on out?
She tells Ollie if he cuts the rope, the bomb will go off. Ollie says they’ll never be together, she pouts, kicks the chair away, and bolts. Ollie shoots through the rope, yanks the bomb off, throws it in the air, and shoots it with an explosive arrow so that it blows up harmlessly in midair. “Never thought I’d be happy to see you,” the hostage says, and Ollie knocks him out because…reasons??? Ollie, you are an actively awful superhero.
Arrowcave. Roy storms out, pissed at what a failboat he is. I would say you’re not, honey, but…you completely are.
Meanwhile, Diggle’s found that Cutter quit the SCPD after becoming obsessed with her partner. Also, wandering womb and neurasthenia, I’m assuming. Ollie asks where Felicity is, Diggle reminds him she’s working, and asks if Ollie’s okay with the Ray thing. Ollie’s like “Duh, obvs, I have to go beat someone up now, bye.”
QC/PT. Diggle comes into Felicity’s office, which has a monitor that does nothing but display the PT logo for some reason. They make small talk and then Diggle says Ollie’s upset about Ray. Felicity points out that Ollie made his choice and Diggle says it was the wrong choice, and though Ollie would never admit it, “This thing with you and Palmer, it’s messing with his head, Felicity, and that’s really dangerous.”
Okay. Stop. Just…we need to stop.
This is an episode where the villain is a mentally ill woman (cruelly and constantly mocked for it) who is romantically fixated on the hero and spends all of her time cooing in a baby voice (she was a COP, for God’s sake) and thrusting her dangerous and unwelcome sexuality at him, because ladies with desire, oh noes!!!
This is a season that began with a major female character, a kickass hero and fascinating character, being murdered – something the show keeps forgetting about – in what we’ll soon learn was a complicated plan that had literally nothing to do with her and involves the nonconsensual use of another woman’s body, all so two men can wrestle shirtlessly on a mountain.
Brilliant Felicity is trapped in an inappropriate love triangle. Passionate Laurel is stuck saying “You were right” to Ollie and Ted fifteen times an episode. Fucking KATANA is stuck LITERALLY IN THE KITCHEN.
And now Diggle, the show’s shining beacon of moral correctness, is telling Felicity it’s DANGEROUS to do what she wants with her own professional and personal lives, because Ollie has feelings for her that he refuses to act on, and he might…what? Hurt himself? Hurt others?
Seriously, this is a threat. Felicity didn’t even turn Ollie down and she’s not dating Ray, but still! It’s messing with the head of a man with 49 confirmed kills to his name! Any deaths that ensue because Felicity dared to leave that dark, drafty basement where she’s unpaid and frequently endangered or yelled at are on her conscience, apparently. Fuck all of that noise.
(Not to mention this is garbage character assassination for Diggle, who, if he were given something narratively useful to do, wouldn’t be stuck scolding Felicity’s vagina while Ollie harasses medical professionals.)
Felicity, bless her, says that if Ollie has a problem, he should be the one talking to her about it.
But Ollie is badgering Cutter’s shrink, who, after some lip service to doctor-patient confidentiality, tells him that Cutter has attachment disorder.
Flashback. Ollie and Tatsu are watching the docks from inside a car. He asks what gaijin means, and she says “Foreigner. Outsider. You.” “It means you too,” he says, because this white jackass who failed out of like ten colleges knows way more about Japanese words than A JAPANESE WOMAN. Can I set an episode on fire? Is that possible?
Some gang members show up and Ollie goes to ask them about Maseo. One of them immediately punches him in the face. Ha.
Present day, PT. Felicity comes in in the couture dress and jeez, considering how cute Felicity normally looks and how beautiful Emily Bett Rickards is, they must’ve had to work hard to fail this badly on hair (weird bouffant with ponytail like a Founding Father’s wig), dress (awkward-ass length), AND shoes (so clunky they should be in a Spice Girls video). Sigh. Ray puts a ludicrously expensive necklace on her, Pretty Woman-style, and I feel like I need to go talk to my own HR department just from watching this.
Meanwhile, Cutter goes to see some hacker dude, “Kirby Bates” (heh), who has triangulated the Arrow’s home base to somewhere in the vicinity of Verdant. They make out and she kills him. Sigh.
Later, Quentin calls Ollie and tells him about Bates’s death. Ollie tells Diggle they need Felicity back, and when Diggle pushes on the Ray issue Ollie snaps that yes, it bothers him, but they both made their choices, and he wants her to be happy. Good for you, Ollie, and I never say that, so hang on to it.
Flashback. Ollie’s getting his ass kicked when Tatsu leaps into the fray with a sword in each hand, mowing down the gang members. #KATANA #KATANA #KATANA She demands that the last one standing tell her where Maseo is and he says three A.R.G.U.S. agents were killed by the Triad. She and Ollie both look dismayed.
Present day, fancy restaurant. Ray and Felicity sit down with the Gardners and make small talk. Felicity gets an SOS text from Ollie.
Verdant. The DJ sucks. Also, Carrie is there, though Roy completely fails to notice her. Thea fires the DJ, and Chase smugs at her until she hires him. Ugh.
Dinner. Felicity gives a heartwarming but nonsensical speech about how inspirational Ray is.
Diggle calls Ollie and tells him Felicity did a little on-the-go hacking and got Cutter’s phone number, and also, she’s probably at Verdant. Ollie calls her and tells her he’ll meet her anywhere but there, and she says if he’s lying she’ll kill everyone at Verdant.
Alley. Ollie, with Diggle and an inexplicably present Felicity over the headset, arrives at Cutter’s coordinates and realizes it’s where he once saved her. She shows up and coos at him a bit, but he growls that he can’t be with anyone. Felicity sadfaces.
Cutter attacks; Ollie shoots the bow out of her hands and they spar until she knocks them both through a grating onto a subway track. More sparring. She cuffs him to the track and stands there as a train approaches, saying that “this way, we can be together for eternity,” but he dislocates his thumb, pulls his hand out of the cuff, and tackles her to safety. She gives him a besotted look: “I knew you loved me!” Wah-wah-waaaaaaahfuckyou.
Arrowcave. They’ve handed Cutter over to the Suicide Squad. Eesh. Diggle invites Ollie to dinner, which is cute, and nags him to get with Felicity before leaving.
Flashback. Tatsu asks Ollie how she’s supposed to tell Akio his father is dead – but when they open the door, Maseo’s there, playing with Akio. He didn’t call because they were in lockdown due to three agents being killed. As Tatsu and Maseo joyfully embrace, Ollie smiles wistfully and heads out to do his laundry.
Present day, Verdant. Thea goes to pay Chase, but he kisses her instead. UGH. WHY. UGH.
PT. Ray finds Felicity in her office and thanks her – Gardner was convinced by her speech and is going to sell. He kisses her. Ollie walks in, sadfaces, and leaves. HA HA.
Ray pulls back, mumbles an apology, and also leaves. Felicity’s like “…Uh?”
Arrowcave. Ollie throws a bunch of stuff around. Roy emerges from nowhere, presumably because he lives there now maybe? Ollie’s like “Let’s go” and they show up on Diggle’s doorstep like the sad little emotionally stunted vagabonds they are. It’s sweet but also hilarious.
PT. Ray sciences something about a dwarf star alloy (!) into his Bluetooth, then pulls up the “A.T.O.M. Exosuit” on his computer. Dun dun dun!
Alley. CAPTAIN BOOMERANG kills a dude and makes a boomerang pun. CROSSOVER TIME!!! Let’s all look at Grant Gustin’s beautiful gazelle face and ignore the Arrow jerks, shall we?