The Extremely Ill-Advised Arrow Project: Episode 3.03 – “Corto Maltese”
|December 4, 2014||Posted by Jess under Comics, Television, The Extremely Ill-Advised Arrow Project|
We open six months ago, with Thea getting into Malcolm’s limo. She asks him to teach her how not to get hurt anymore.
Present day. Ollie chases down a lead on Sara’s murder, but it goes nowhere. Frustrated, he turns to the Thea issue, and luckily, Felicity’s tracked her to Corto Maltese (Diggle: “What’s with your family and islands?” Hee!). Roy points out she didn’t want to be followed and Ollie points out that she didn’t want to be followed by Roy, so Roy decides to come along. What?
Ollie tells him he can’t travel with his bow, and Roy adorably confesses he’s never been on a plane before. Ollie laughs. HA HA, YOU’RE POOR.
Lyla asks Diggle to go to Corto Maltese with Ollie and look up one of her operatives, Mark Shaw, who’s gone dark.
Laurel walks into a gym and tells the shirtless, sweaty, very cute owner, Ted Grant, that she’s looking for one of his students, who’s wanted in a robbery. Ted says the kid was at the gym on the night in question, and if he wasn’t, no way is Ted going to admit that and let the kid get lost in the system the way a lot of angry people do. P.S. Laurel seems really angry, maybe she should come in for boxing lessons? Ted is cute enough that I forgive him not being a grizzled old war hound like in the comics, but I’m getting real tired of men on this show telling women “Oh, see, you’re not actually angry at me for the shitty thing I’m doing.” Baaarf.
Ollie, Diggle, and Roy arrive in Corto Maltese, and Ollie heads off to the address Felicity found. He knocks, but a gardener, identifying him as “Mia’s” brother (heh), offers to show him the cafe where she works. Inside, Malcolm lowers the arrow he was aiming at the door.
Flashback. This scene is so bogged down in gross Orientalist nonsense that I’m not going to waste your time recapping it, but basically Malcolm takes out a bowl of water (I laughed so hard when I thought he was going to teach Thea to slap water) and pours boiling water over her hand.
Present day. Ollie finds Thea at the cafe. She greets him cheerfully enough and apologizes for not telling him where she really was, but she doesn’t want to go home to Starling with him. Good call, Thea. It blows up pretty much annually.
Flashback. Thea yanks her hand away from the scalding water and tells Malcolm this isn’t her jam. He hugs her, looking hilariously like he has never done this before, just read about it in books.
Present day, QC. Felicity walks in to find Ray babbling about how he’s overcaffeinated and Ollie left the company “a little…what’s a polite way to say this…wonky” and WHEN DOES HACKED OFF START? Speaking of coffee…and Felicity cuts him off to tell him that under no circumstances will she be bringing him coffee. That’s cool, because Ray would like to introduce her to her new assistant, Gerry Conway (hee!), and he will get her coffee. RAY > OLLIE, THE END.
Ray tells Felicity that QC’s applied sciences division is the key to his plan to fixing all the things, but since “some wacko blew it up last year” (Felicity: “I’m sure they…had their reasons.” Hee!), he needs her to get info off the fried server. P.S. Ollie’s old office is now hers.
Corto Maltese. Ollie watches from a distance as Diggle approaches Mark Shaw – who immediately pulls a knife on him. Diggle tells him he’s been sent by Lyla, who gave him a “security transcoder.” Shaw backs off and plugs the transcoder into his phone, which immediately Matrixes some data on the screen, then tells Diggle he’s jumpy because someone’s stolen all the data on A.R.G.U.S.’s agents, including their families. Diggle makes a worryface.
Starling, AA meeting. Laurel’s telling the group that because “something happened,” she has all this anger that she doesn’t know what to do with. She clams up as Quentin walks in. YOU TWO SHOULD NOT BE ATTENDING THE SAME MEETINGS.
Another woman obliquely reveals that her boyfriend is beating her. Laurel is horrified; after the meeting, Quentin agrees that the boyfriend should be arrested, but he can’t use the knowledge he learns from AA meetings in his work or people won’t be able to be honest at the meetings. You should also PROBABLY NOT GO TO YOUR DAUGHTER’S MEETINGS, QUENTIN.
Corto Maltese. Shaw takes Diggle to an abandoned field where the sale of the stolen info is supposed to go down; Ollie’s already lying in wait. But Diggle smells something hinky, and when he calls Shaw on it, Shaw tases him, confesses that he’s actually selling the info, now that he has the transcoder from Diggle, and takes off before Ollie can get to him.
Thea’s taking out the trash for the cafe when Roy shows up. This is as good a time as any to note that everyone looks absolutely fucking gorgeous in this episode, with the “glowing in the heat” makeup and lighting cranked up to 11. Seriously, what a beautiful group of humans.
Roy apologizes for lying to Thea and she says it wasn’t just his lies that drove her from Starling, but everyone’s. In a reasonably friendly conversation, he says that if being in Corto Maltese makes her happy, then that’s what he wants from her. Aw.
As he leaves, Malcolm emerges hilariously from the bushes to glower at him.
Flashback. Malcolm says he needs to treat Thea as his student, not his daughter…and starts hitting her until she grabs a sword and says, “Stay away from me, you sick son of a bitch.” He smiles: “Now we can begin.” HOORAY FOR KICKASS THEA.
Present day, QC. Felicity’s reading Iris’s blog, hee. Ray comes in and asks about the server, but just then Diggle calls, asking her to track Shaw for him. Before she can explain that this isn’t a good time, Laurel calls on the other line and demands that Felicity find the abusive boyfriend from the AA meeting. “Are we…favor friends now?” Felicity asks. “Are we friends?” Hee! Also, aw, you should be.
Diggle calls back on the landline (even though previous dialogue explicitly established that he didn’t know where she was, but whatever). Felicity tells him Shaw’s a hacker. Ray’s like “…What?” Felicity tells both Diggle and Laurel that she’ll find their guys, then babbles a non-explanation to Ray. It’s pretty delightful.
Corto Maltese. Ollie plans to tell Thea everything – everything – and good GRAVY this shot of Amell, Ramsey, and Haynes is ludicrously man-beautiful. Diggle thinks that’s a bad idea, because if Ollie tells her the truth, he’ll have to…tell her that he lied to her? Which she already knows? So this makes NO sense.
Starling. Laurel waits outside a bar for Abusive Boyfriend wearing a ski mask and Sara’s jacket. She attacks him with a baseball bat, but he kicks the crap out of her. Laurel. 🙁
Hospital. Quentin asks a badly beaten Laurel why she did it and she says, sad and deflated, that she needed the world to make sense just for one night. LAUREL. 🙁
Corto Maltese. Ollie tells Thea that he lied to her because if she knew the things he’s had to do, she wouldn’t look at him the same. She says it’s the lies about herself and her real father that made her angry, and he insists that Robert was her father, by love if not blood. He tells her that Robert sacrificed himself for Ollie, just like Moira did, “but if we’re not together, then we’re not even really alive.” What. What. This is nonsense. She tears up anyway.
Random field. Team Arrow watches Shaw’s buy go down through binoculars. The client is apparently Milo Armitage, again. That dude’s bad news.
Team Arrow springs into action, with Ollie passing out bows and arrows that, it’s revealed via hilariously montage, he made from random crap in their hotel room. Just as they’re about to attack, a jeep full of soldiers shows up.
Everyone starts shooting at everyone else and it’s very confusing. Ollie gives up on the arrows for some reason, borrows a gun from Diggle, and shoots at least three soldiers, because why not, I guess. Is it time to bring back the Kill Count? We finished Season One at 44 and he killed just four people in Season Two (not counting the attempted murder of Slade in the flashbacks or any mirakuru’ed soldiers who never got back up after being explosive arrowed), so we’re now at 51. That’s also not counting the uncountable number of Fyers’s soldiers he blew up with a missile. Jesus Christ, Oliver.
Diggle beats the crap out of Shaw. Shaw says he did it to get out of A.R.G.U.S. and away from Waller, and Diggle can save him by telling Waller he died. Diggle knocks him out.
Thea tells Malcolm she wants to return to Starling. They duel; she wins, and he agrees to let her go, but she belatedly realizes he let her win.
Airport. Thea joins Team Arrow, to their delight. Someone spills scalding coffee on her hand by accident, but she doesn’t even flinch. Dun dun dun!
Verdant. Laurel asks Ollie to train her and he refuses, sounding extra Canadian, because Sara would never forgive him.
Diggle returns to Lyla and Baby Sara.
Abusive Boyfriend is arrested on an “anonymous tip” re: his outstanding warrants in Coast City. Quentin’s pretty smug about it, so I’m guessing he was the tipster.
Laurel asks Ted to train her.
Felicity recovers the data and asks for a few days off to go to Central City(!). Ray contemplates some blueprints of top secret advanced weapons labeled “O.M.A.C.” That can’t be good.
Arrowcave. Ollie’s asking Roy if Thea seemed different to him when Nyssa bursts in, arrow nocked, and demands to know where Sara is. Dun dun dun! Again!