Supergirl Saturday: Action Comics #303, “The Monster from Krypton!” and “Supergirl’s Big Brother!”
|October 11, 2014||Posted by Jess under Comics, Supergirl Saturday|
I know I keep saying this, but this issue features one of the grossest men to ever wander through Supergirl’s life. But first, our girl makes the cover for a cameo in the lead Superman story:
Well, this oughta be good.
Okay, so this exact scene doesn’t happen in the issue, but it gives me a chance to make a confess: I freaking LOVE Supergirl and Jimmy Olsen as a couple. (Pre-Crisis and DCAU only. Post-Crisis he’s too old for Kara and it would be gross. Linda and Jimmy, though…) So this issue gets bonus points for having him comfort her here.
It also gets bonus points for the idea of Jimmy Olsen leading the United States Armed Forces. That is a comically terrible idea.
Most of the story doesn’t have Supergirl in it so I’ll skip the bulk of the action. Short version: before Krypton’s destruction, Kryptonian scientists, including Jor-El, shot the eggs of a destructive monster called a drang into space.
I include these panels for two reasons: one, look how adorable eensy Kal is in the first one, and two, apparently Man of Steel took its penis-shaped rockets directly from the comics.
The drang egg is later found on Earth, and Superman heads off to take care of it, but things don’t go exactly as planned:
So what did happen? Why, red kryptonite turned Superman into a drang, of course! Meanwhile, the real drang egg has been smashed, ending the threat.
Superman tries desperately to communicate his true identity to the humans, but to no avail:
Finally Jimmy suggests the nuclear option: the “drang” is from Krypton, so kryptonite ought to kill it. Meanwhile, Supergirl gets in on the action:
Finally, Superman has a moment to breathe – and to communicate the truth:
I’m pretty sure every single cartoon I watched as a kid in the late 80s/early 90s had an episode with exactly this moral. Except it was usually anti-hunting, period, not “Eh, these five deer can live in a sanctuary, but have fun slaughtering the rest!”
Anyway, now that we’ve seen Kara interacting with a smart, resourceful, adorably freckle-faced boy her age, let’s get grossed out by some faux-incest!
What??? Supergirl has a brother?????
Linda’s surprised too, when a strange young man who claims to be a Danvers shows up on her doorstep:
So…the Danverses had another kid they just never mentioned to Linda?
Apparently so! That’s healthy and not weird at all.
Also healthy and not weird is Jan’s greeting for his new little sister:
UGH EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS SO GROSS. WHY DOES JAN THINK THAT’S OKAY. WHY ARE THE PARENTS AMUSED. WHY IS LINDA PLEASED THAT HER BROTHER – WHO, SINCE THIS THIS ISSUE CAME OUT IN 1963, MUST BE AT LEAST THIRTY – IS SLIPPING HER SOME TONGUE. I blame Superman for fucking with her incest-related boundaries. Ick ick ick.
Anyway, Jan – as that sister-kissing, not to mention those evil eyebrows, would imply – seems to have a sinister agenda of some sort. But meanwhile, it’s getting increasingly tricky for Linda to hide her other identity from him:
Why is Fred standing so close to her in that last panel? Maybe Superman isn’t the only reason she doesn’t have good familial boundaries.
“Ha, ha! My brother is hot for me!”
Anyway, the decision is soon made for Linda, when Jan is nearly crushed by the car he’s working on and she’s forced to spring into action:
Okay, finally our girl’s Spidey-sense is tingling.
Or not. Honey, you are too nice.
While the siblings are flying, they spot a plane with some diamond smugglers aboard. Naturally, Supergirl springs into action…and so does Jan:
Well, this is suspicious. Linda decides to investigate, and sure enough:
Linda decides to brazen it out by refusing to make Fake Jan/BIFF RIGGER OMG another super-pill, but he’s already figured out the formula, and he’s after treasure:
Supergirl seems doomed. After all, if Jan-Biff just leaves her there, he’ll get away scot-free. (P.S. Luv u, Scott.) But:
Okay, decompression sickness is genuinely dangerous and many people have died from it, but “I’ve got…THE BENDS!” is completely hilarious. I’m sorry.
And that is the end of Jan-Biff. Again, Linda, you are a lovely soul, but don’t waste your tears on this lying, thieving, boundary-pushing creep. There are better psuedo-brothers out there! How about Kon? I promise he will never make out with you while your parents laugh.