The Extremely Ill-Advised Arrow Project: Episode 2.02 – “Identity”
|April 28, 2014||Posted by Jess under Comics, Television, The Extremely Ill-Advised Arrow Project|
New opening voiceover! “My name is Oliver Queen. After five years on a hellish island, I have come home with only one goal: to save my city. But to do so, I can’t be the killer I once was. To honor my friend’s memory, I be someone else. I must be something else.” TOMMYYYYY. Also this delights me. NO MORE KILLING YAY.
Arrowcave. Ollie works out shirtlessly. YAY WE’RE BACK!
Night. A FEMA truck rolls through the Glades. Suddenly two motorcycles flank it. The alarmed truckers call for help over the radio, and Roy, listening in on the police band or whatever, springs into action in a car that I’m guessing he stole. He drives straight at one of the bikers, forcing him to veer away from the truck and go skidding up and over some parked cars. Roy punches the steering wheel in triumph. What a moron.
The other biker wheels around to confront Roy, who also turns. They drive straight at each other – and the biker shoots a machine gun at Roy, who accidentally drives up a ramp and flips the car over a few times.
Meanwhile, someone else steps out to stop the truck. It’s China White! Hey girl, long time no see! She calmly throws two knives straight through the windshield into the two truckers’ chests. The biker Roy didn’t smoosh pulls up and she tells him to take the truck, then rides off on the bike.
Back at The Stolen Car of Dumbness, Roy stumbles out, bleeding, to find himself surrounded by cops. “Just so you know, the real bad guys are getting away,” he tells them angrily. Dude, you stole a car and flipped it. You’re SO DUMB.
Verdant. Diggle and Ollie survey the partying crowd. Have they addressed that Ollie no longer has an excuse for hanging out there? Diggle asks what Ollie’s plan is and Ollie admits that he’s not sure how to fight crime now that he doesn’t have his stupid list. Diggle mentions that Big Belly Burger was robbed and Ollie asks if Carly’s okay, with genuine concern – but not enough to notice how awkward Diggle suddenly gets as he says that it was Carly’s day off.
Thea bops up and says she didn’t see Ollie come in. “I had a secret entrance installed when I ran the club,” Ollie says. She stares. “Kidding,” he adds. Heh. Before Thea can call her brother the dork he is, her phone rings, and her face drops with irritation as she listens to the person on the other end.
Interrogation room. Laurel asks how Roy who the vigilante is and how he came by one of his arrows. Roy is sassy and uncommunicative, and Laurel threatens to charge him with obstruction. Um, how is she even interrogating him? Doesn’t he have the right to an attorney of his own?
Laurel tells Roy she understands how he feels about the vigilante: “He has this way of…seducing you.” BRB, laughing forever. She goes on to say that the Hood “causes chaos and death” and Roy’s just making it worse. “Look, half the city fell into a hole. I’d say the situation’s already worse,” Roy replies. He says he’s seen others trying to make the city right, meaning Black Canary, but Laurel doesn’t care.
In the hallway, Ollie watches while Thea paces. Roy comes out and claims it was a fender bender, but Laurel tells them what Roy was actually doing. “At least it wasn’t my car,” Roy says. ROY YOU ARE SO DUMB, OH MY GOD. Thea tells him not to say anything until the lawyer she’s called gets there, but Laurel says they won’t press charges if he promises to stop crimefighting. Grand theft auto, though, Laurel. He just confessed.
Ollie tells Laurel he’ll talk to Roy and she asks him to find out what Roy knows about the vigilante. Blah blah, Laurel hates the Hood now, Ollie is sad, whatever.
Laurel leaves and Ollie approaches the kids. “Thea, can you ask Mr. Diggle to bring the car around, please?” he asks with an ominous tone in his voice. Thea pats Roy on the shoulder, says, “I’ll always think of you fondly,” and leaves. Hee!
Roy clearly doesn’t want to hear anything Ollie has to say and tries to leave, but Ollie grabs his arm. Roy looks shocked at Ollie’s strength. “The world doesn’t work anymore,” Ollie says. “It broke a long time ago but it was like you were the only one who noticed. That makes you angry, and you’re afraid that that anger is gonna burn you up inside if you have to live in the world one second longer knowing that you could do something to fix it. I think it’s gonna put you in the hospital, kid. Or worse.” This is a good speech, and would be better if Ollie wasn’t full of shit.
Roy says it’s better to be dead that in a hospital these days – the medicine FEMA’s been sending Glades Memorial is being hijacked. This is the first Ollie’s heard of it, which I’m pretty sure means Team Arrow collectively sucks. Come on, guys, you have one job. (Well, I guess Felicity also has her actual job.) “What’s it take to make you angry?” Roy asks, and storms off.
Flashback. Ollie stares at his bloody hands after killing that dude. Shado and Slade exchange glances, then Shado says that others are sure to follow after the men they killed. Slade finds a map of the island chain in one of the guys’ pockets.
Ollie’s still lost in his own little world and Slade tells Shado she needs to go talk to him, because what he’s done is tearing him up. Aw, I love their little three-way marriage SO MUCH. Shado takes Ollie’s bloody hands in hers and says, “Come on. Let’s get away from this place.” He nods.
Present day, Glades Memorial. Ollie and Diggle make their way through a crowded, disorganized corridor and Ollie declares that he’s going to stop the medicine thefts.
As they exit, they spot someone giving an impromptu press conference. Diggle explains that it’s Alderman Sebastian Blood, who feels that the Glades have been abandoned.
Blood spots Ollie and asks why he’s slumming it at Glades Memorial. Ollie says the Gladesians deserve proper medical care, and Blood asks where the Queens’ concern for the Glades was when Moira had the earthquake machine built. Ollie says he’ll do everything in his power to atone for his family’s mistakes, and Blood says his constituents will sleep better knowing that, “if they still had a place to sleep.”
“You did this to us!” someone shouts at Ollie. “Go back to your mansion, rich boy,” a deeply miscast soccer mom sneers badly. “Spare us your mercy visits, Queen!” Blood shouts as Ollie gets in the car. “You’ve done enough for this city already!” As Ollie and Diggle drive off, a mob surrounds the car, and one of them shatters a back window with his picket sign.
Queen Consolidated. Felicity is furious, and with good reason, because Ollie has switched her job title from IT Specialist to his personal Executive Assistant, so that it won’t look suspicious when they chat all the time. “I need a Girl Wednesday,” he protests. “It’s Friday, and the answer is no,” she snaps. Also, Rosalind Russell was a reporter in that movie, not anyone’s secretary. Plus, I’m thinking the entire company will be wondering why the IT specialist just became the boss’s secretary (though they’ll assume it’s an affair).
Ollie tells her the secretary’s computers have been upgraded, so what’s she whining about? “Did you know I went to MIT?” she demands. “Guess what I majored in? Hint: not the secretarial arts…I worked very hard to get where I am, and it wasn’t so I could fetch you coffee.” “It could be worse,” Diggle deadpans. “My secret identity is his black driver.” BAM. This show is sometimes – occasionally, rarely – SO SMART, and then it inevitably shoots itself in the foot. Felicity and Diggle are both 100% right, Ollie is being King of the Douches, and I wish the show actually got that instead of having Ollie win every argument because he’s the protagonist.
Ollie basically dismisses her, telling her to figure out how the thieves are finding out when the FEMA deliveries are. She asks if he’d like her to get him a cup of coffee. He’s smart enough to realize it’s a trap as she stalks back to her desk, but not smart enough not to ask her to make a reservation for dinner for him, Diggle, and Carly. “Sure,” she says, flashing her keyboard and tablet at him so that Windows gets their money worth in the product placement department, “I’ll get right on that. Using the internet. Which you also have access to.” Seriously, what a piece of shit Ollie’s being right now.
“Still haven’t told him?” Felicity murmurs to Diggle. “He has enough on his plate,” Diggle replies.
In his office, Ollie watches a news report about himself. What a tool.
Flashback. Shado helps Ollie wash his hands clean (such a subtle metaphor, show, wow) and says he saved her life. Ollie says he’s afraid the island is “turning me into something terrible.”
She wipes blood from his face and tells him no place can make him something he’s not. “So I’ve always been a killer?” he asks. She launches into a speech about yin and yang because that is the rule for Asian people on mediocre shows like this, essentially saying everyone has a dark side. They kiss, then pull their shirts off. Ain’t no sex like platitude-ridden post-murder sex, I guess.
Present day, Arrowcave. Felicity, still angry, has discovered that a FEMA truck is heading out to Glades Memorial with more medicine in 20 minutes. Ollie suits up.
FEMA depot. Two motorcyclists drive up and shoot the guys loading up the trucks. They’ve cornered a driver when Ollie shouts “DOWN!” and shoots the cyclists – presumably with some kind of stun arrow, because we see the cyclists wiggling around on the ground and eventually starting to get up. “Make your delivery,” Ollie says, but as the driver climbs into the truck he’s killed by a knife thrown at his throat.
“The Emerald Archer,” China White says, stepping out from behind a truck. “I feared you had perished in the quake, denying me the ability to pay you back in full for your past interference in my business.” “Your business is going under – PERMANENTLY!” Ollie shouts back. It makes me sad that the person who wrote that dialogue gets paid a lot more than I do.
Suddenly a third person enters the fray – a black guy with sharp-clawed brass knuckles. Oh, Bronze Tiger. How low you have fallen. “I don’t think my new friend agrees with you,” China White says. “Our partnership was easily cemented. You see, I was eager to see you dead – and he was eager to kill you!” Then she breaks out into a chorus of “He Had It Coming” from Chicago, it’s pretty great.
Ollie fires a few arrows at Ben (Bronze Tiger – he hasn’t been named, but this is defo Ben Turner), who bats them aside easily. “No kill shots?” he says. “I was promised a fight.” They duke it out hand-to-hand (well, hand-to-claw) as one of the trucks drives away.
As Ben gets the upper hand, a flood of cops suddenly appears, led by Laurel. One of the cops tells Ollie and Ben to lower their weapons. Ollie sees Laurel, then suddenly ducks, causing Ben’s claw to cut open a pipe full of conveniently-alley-obscuring steam, and runs off. One of the cops manages to shoot him in the ankle as he flees.
Arrowcave. Felicity watches with horror as Ollie stitches up his own bullet wound, and asks if it hurts. “Not as much as some things,” he Batmans.
Diggle flat-out mocks Ollie for being all butthurt about Laurel’s involvement, which is great, and Ollie starts yelling about how he can’t make things better as Oliver Queen or the vigilante. Felicity angrily intervenes and tells Ollie not to yell at Diggle for “invoking the all-mighty Laurel” (hee) when he keeps blathering about Carly but is too self-involved to see Diggle’s reaction when he does.
Ollie looks at Diggle, who reluctantly admits he and Carly broke up. Felicity adds that it was because of the strain of being “the vigilante’s wingman,” and Diggle amends that it was that plus lingering Andy issues. “I guess I couldn’t hate [Deadshot] and love [Carly] at the same time.” No one said dating your dead brother’s wife was gonna be easy, Dig. He concludes by basically telling Ollie to get over himself, and both Diggle and Felicity walk off.
Verdant. Roy’s sweeping up when Thea asks if he’s planning on going back out and fighting crime again. “I wanted Laurel to arrest you,” she says, and Roy looks betrayed. Don’t worry, kid, Laurel can’t actually do that.
Thea goes on to say that Laurel told her she couldn’t change him, so instead she gives Roy a severance check and the hozen Ollie gave her: “Just because I can’t change you doesn’t mean I have to let you be in my life until you get yourself killed.” She explains that the hozen symbolizes reconnecting: “If you want to reconnect with me, keep the hozen and tear up that check.” “I don’t do too well with ultimatums,” Roy replies. “And I don’t do all that great with people I love getting hurt,” she replies, and walks off. THEA. <3
Queen Consolidated, day. Felicity lets Alderman Blood into Ollie’s office; Blood ignores Ollie’s outstretched hand and makes some douchey comments about how nice his office is. Ollie asks Felicity to get them coffee. “You know, I would, Mr. Queen, but it seems that someone’s broken our coffeemaker. Violently,” she says, and walks out. FELICITY. <3
Blood asks why Ollie invited him up and Ollie admits that Moira “was involved in something…unspeakable,” but he wants to help – and takes out his checkbook. Blood says money can’t solve everything and the problem is Ollie’s elitist friends letting Starling’s citizens live in a third world. Ollie, a bit angrily, offers to throw a benefit to show his “elitist friends” what needs to be done. Take that, Blood! A benefit!
Blood likes the idea of Ollie being the public face of the cause and agrees. He apologizes for siccing the mob on Ollie and leaves.
Flashback. Ollie and Shado lounge happily on a rock while Slade watches jealously from the trees. JUST ASK, WILSON. I’m sure they’d say yes! P.S. Good thing Shado brought her strapless bra when she was kidnapped.
Slade calls them over and they all pretend Ollie and Shado weren’t just banging. Slade says he’s figured out where the men were headed.
Later, fully-clothed, all three of them walk through the woods. Slade warns Ollie not to fall too much in love with Shado: “She’s a distraction, and in a place like this a distraction’s gonna cloud your judgment, and that is what’s gonna get you killed.” He smirks over his shoulder: “Look what this island has already done to you, kid.” SERIOUSLY, SLADE, JUST ASK. STOP BEING A PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE DOUCHE.
Present day, Laurel’s office, night. The lights go out and her head snaps up. Ollie, be-hooded, says they need to talk. Laurel’s like “Sure, take the hood off and we’ll chat.” Ollie insists he’s not her enemy and she used to trust him. Laurel tearfully says she saw him running out of CNRI after Tommy died: “You didn’t save him. You were too busy fighting a meaningless duel with Malcolm Merlyn. And when people, people you told me you would protect, needed your help…you weren’t there.” Okay, but Laurel, you know that Malcolm was the bad guy, right? And that Ollie can’t a) lift buildings or b) bring people back from the dead? Again, having her oppose the vigilante makes for an interesting conflict, but her reasoning is…lacking.
Laurel declares that she’s going to bring him down. “Don’t ever speak to me again,” she says, and turns away. Ollie turns the lights back on and leaves.
Queen Consolidated. Laurel walks through the crowded benefit; Blood pops up to shmooze her, but she’s having none of it, especially after the way he treated Ollie. Blood says he apologized to Ollie, but they’re both very aware that Ollie’s not exactly there yet.
Ollie is, in fact, waiting impatiently in an elevator with Diggle. He says at least he’s lucky Oliver Queen has a reputation for being late. “You know, I’ve been meaning to tell you, it really weirds me out to no end the way you refer to yourself in the third person like that,” Diggle says. Hee!
As they reach the benefit, Ollie’s phone rings. It’s Felicity, and the next FEMA shipment is now. Ollie makes a bunch of pained faces.
Back in the benefit, Blood decides to make an announcement. Laurel can’t believe he’s going to crucify Ollie again. “Crucifixion has such a bad reputation,” Blood says. Laurel, honey, that’s when you throw your wine in his face and run for the door, because that is the kind of thing a murderer says (spoiler!).
Blood steps up to the podium. As we cut to shots of Ollie suiting up and heading out, and the cops heading out on his tail, Blood tells the assembled crowd that Ollie doesn’t care about Starling or the Glades. Okay, but aren’t these all the jerky rich people? Why would they give a shit?
Elsewhere, China White and three gangsters have already taken out the FEMA driver and are about to steal the truck when Ollie rides up. She tells her thugs to go, and faces off against Ollie.
Meanwhile, the cops have tracked Ollie to the wrong place, thanks to Felicity feeding them old surveillance footage. (Her look of glee is a delight.)
Bronze Tiger shows up from out of nowhere, and he and China White both attack Ollie. Meanwhile, Diggle fights off the thugs, makes a terrible joke about healthcare, and takes the truck. Ben’s about to claw a hole in Ollie’s chest when the truck drives towards them. “You’re not the only one allowed to bring a friend,” Ollie grunts, and they scatter.
China leaps onto the back of the truck. “I’m clear,” Diggle tells Ollie erroneously.
Ollie follows Ben into a maze of packing crates and fluttering tarps. Ben pops out of nowhere to claw at him, then ducks away again.
China attacks Diggle while clinging to the driver’s side door of the truck. The truck weaves as he tries to fight her off, and finally crashes into a pile of garbage, sending her flying and leaving Diggle dazed.
Ben claws at Ollie again, then hides. Ollie spins and fires an arrow at him, but he bats it aside. Ollie manages to sink another one into Ben’s shoulder as he charges forward. “That hurt, but it won’t stop me,” Ben says – but it’s an electric arrow, and shocks Ben into unconsciousness as he’s about to claw Ollie in the face.
Diggle staggers out of the truck, gun at the ready. China White jumps at him and they fight. She’s about to stab him when Ollie appears on his bike and shoots – YES! IT’S THE HANDCUFF ARROW! It pins her to a nearby pole. HANDCUFF ARROW YESSSSS.
As Ollie and Diggle start to leave, China tells him that even if he’s stopped killing, “they” won’t see him as anything but the enemy: “You’ll never be a hero.” “As long as the city is safe, it doesn’t matter,” Ollie says. Yeah, yeah, I saw the end of The Dark Knight too.
QC. Ollie and Diggle watch the news coverage of China White’s arrest. Diggle affectionately tells Ollie he had China on the ropes and didn’t need help. “Couldn’t risk it,” Ollie says. “Where would I be without my black driver?” UGH, SHUT UP. YOU DON’T GET TO MAKE THAT JOKE, ASSHOLE.
He tells Diggle he’s sorry about the Carly thing, and more specifically that he wasn’t there for Diggle. “You know, we’re getting dangerously close to hug territory, so I’m gonna fall back,” Diggle says. Aw, come on, guys, hug it out! And then maybe spar a little. Shirtlessly. You know.
Diggle leaves and Ollie turns back to the news, which is now a clip of Blood talking about how much Ollie sucks. Thea brings him a sympathetic cup of coffee. “One,” she says, and he smiles. NO HE DOESN’T DESERVE ANY.
Flashback. Slade’s found a huge boulder that matches one of the photos they found on their attackers. Shado asks why the men cared about this spot in particular, but Ollie’s already found it – a cave.
Slade draws a knife and goes in, the others behind him. Inside they find a handful of skeletons in the remnants of Japanese WWII uniforms. Slade says the men who attacked them didn’t just come for corpses.
Meanwhile, Ollie finds the hozen around one of the soldiers’ necks. Oh gross, Ollie, you gave your sister something you found on a dead body?
Present day. Roy’s taking out the trash at Verdant when he senses someone behind him. He throws the flechette – and Ollie, hooded up, catches it. Ollie tells Roy to stop looking for him and Roy says Ollie saving his life made him realize he could do something useful with it. He asks Ollie to train him, to let him help, and Ollie says Roy can help by being his eyes and ears in the Glades. He tosses the flechette back to Roy and tells him to leave it in the alley wall when he has info for Ollie. Ollie grins like Christmas just came early.
Verdant, day. Roy puts the hozen down in front of Thea and asks if he’s supposed to keep it if he wants to stay with her. His freckles are very visible in this scene and it’s freaking adorable, btw. He tells Thea life with her is better than trying to be a hero, and she kisses him, deeply relieved. But wait! A closeup of Roy’s butt shows the flechette in his pocket! More shows need narratively-relevant closeups of Abercrombie models’ butts.
Laurel’s office. The lights go out. She sighs in annoyance: “I told you to stay away from me.” Ollie says he was hoping she’d changed her mind (why would she, though?) and that he lost a friend in the Glades too: “And I would gladly have given my life for his.” “Well, don’t worry, your life is over,” she replies. “Your life as a free man.”
She holds up a little remote and presses a button. A dozen cops run in, surrounding Ollie, weapons trained on him. “I told you to stay away,” she says. “Somehow I knew you wouldn’t listen.” Haha, Laurel wins and you lose, Ollie! Annnd…cliffhanger.